Life is a bundle of confusion and I am lost in the maze. Trying to hustle my way into something more for 2019 has made me realize every person has a personal maze they have to navigate in their lifetime. Some mazes are short, some last the entirety of your life. Some are fairly simple while others are complex. Sometimes we have to find our way through one and gods help us if we have to figure out three. What do you do when it’s time to take control of your life?
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When I started planning my ultimate hustle year (check out all the goals I’m working on in 2019, plus I’ve got some tips to help you slay your goals!), my mind went back to who I thought I would be in my 30s.
When all my teen friends were busy planning their future with their little boyfriends who they’d break up within a week, I was sitting smugly cause I had my future planned.
I would be a successful artist with my chubby baby. Her father would be a creative type but we wouldn’t be married, instead, we would live in harmony without being tied to society’s definition of “family”. I’d spend my days working on pieces of art with mini-me strapped to my back. She’d get tangled in waves of blue paint and we’d watch the sheep hustle below from our perch in my loft apartment.
I’d never cook cause the partner would take care of that and there would always be wine but I would have a bionic liver.
From about 14 years old I knew this was my life…so why isn’t it my life?
I am stuck in my labyrinth
Obviously, the function of a maze is for us to get lost but thinking deeper on the subject, labyrinths strip you of your power, wipe your senses and cause doubt to creep into your mind.
I’ve been stuck in my maze for the past seven years.
I’m not a religious person but if I was in my seven years of lean, I need my seven years of plenty. Pronto.
For seven years I’ve played games with my career, my health, my sanity, my life. I’ve allowed this maze to strip me of my power until I stand before you now, in the post, a broken and exhausted human being.
Well, a less broken and exhausted human being cause…well keep reading.
When I woke up to edit this post I realized, maybe me being so determined to use 2019 as a changing point is me trying to take ownership of my maze. It’s a way of me saying I am going to shorten the time I’m in here and I will find this exit. Cause seven years is too much ya’ll.
Being stuck stripped me of my ability to be more
How many of us are out there, struggling through our mazes thining as long as the sun rises another day, I’m good.
I mean…in a way it’s cool but in a bigger way, fuck you labyrinth. Fuck you for draining my hope for a better week, a cheerful month, an optimistic year, a most glorious me.
In my last post of 2018, I am telling you if you’re stuck in your own personal labyrinth, this is your moment to stop. Today you will get out.
Stop and say out loud “I run this bitch”.
Don’t do it for “new year, new you” (although as someone who is embracing that motto fully in the new year, sprinkling in a dash of “newness” isn’t a bad idea) do it because it’s time to take your power back.
In my recap of my 2 years in London, I shared how all of my time here was manipulated by toxic humans and the truth is they’re still in my life. This is one of the ways the maze controls me.
In my story about my “friend” choosing Hennessy over me, I shared how I am always doing things solo, always alone in this world with no friends. This is one of the ways my maze has power over my life.
Throughout my blogging journey I’ve dopped hints about the ways I am being controlled like a puppet by a maze that doesn’t want to let me go but is about to get a Stone Cold Steve Austin sized whooping on its candy ass.
Goodbye to this neverending walk of confusion
The most powerful poisonous act our labyrinths have is they make us give up. At that point, it’s not even about taking control it’s about being the ultimate power.
I gave up on my 14-year-old dream of me.
By telling myself I wasn’t worth that dream I gave in. Well, fuck that labyrinth. For the last few months I’ve been asking myself if I can’t be the version 14 year old me dreamed of, can I be the 2.0 version?
Maybe I can’t afford a flat in the city…I mean seriously, it’s London. So maybe I move further out, maybe I move to a place where a home is feasible. Maybe I get a better job to afford a loft apartment with another flatmate…
I want a baby? Maybe I start figuring out this fibroids shit for real. Maybe I start doing reseearch on how to be a single mom by choice. Science has come a long way…
Maybe I start thinking about all the things the labyrinth is trying to control and I tackle them.
Maybe I take back the control, bit by bit.
My friend, life is a labyrinth
We each have one, and we make it what it is. If yours has been a fun happy twirl with two turns and an exist then bless you. You don’t need this post. You’re probably saying let them eat cake.
But if yours has been a personal hell then stop where you are and tell yourself it’s time to take control.
You are in control.
Taking control of your life
Use 2019 as a year of change. Earlier I linked to my “new year, new me” post but my 2019 is going beyond eating salads and one month of change.
I’m using the entire year to transform my life. Seriously, a year. Cause this hell I’m in didn’t happen in a day so it can’t be fixed in a day.
You can do it too – make the new year a turning point in your life. Stop sitting in your maze and move forward. I know I’ve encouraged you to read about the changes I’m making in 2019 but this could really help you if you’re stuck in your own maze.
I’m hyping my hustle.
The maze convinced me that I wasn’t good enough to do the things I knew I could slay. I’ve been in digital marketing for how many years? I’ve been a designer for how many years? I’ve been helping small biz owners for how many years????? Yet this maze had me sitting here convinced I didn’t know my shit.
I recently put my knowledge to good use in the form of a 5-day free email course. This course is filled with actionable advice to help you boost your blog or small biz. From organization tips to ways to set goals, to blog + biz basics – I’m covering it all.
Lastly, I am reminding myself every day that I run the show. I’m still in my maze but that’s okay. I’ve come to understand we have to stay in it until we’re out. But as we get closer to the exit, it gets easier. We gain more clarity, we live more happily, we breathe better.
And from where I’m standing I’m taking deeper breaths and bigger strides.
When life doesn’t go the way you planned it, it’s time to take control. I am only wishing the best for us all as we change the narrative in 2019 and beyond.