Most black women, regardless of where they hail from, will tell you they grew up in an environment that praised a voluptuous shape. The culture pushes the concept of curves and the beauty of a big booty.
Sadly, teenage me did not fall into that line of beauty. I was a skinny little noodle with zero ass. I grew up in the time of BET video vixens and Sisqo’s Thong Song and I was the opposite of all that. Sometimes I wish the love for awkward black girls existed at that time because that’s the genre I fit into. There I was, a lil girl trying to navigate an era of bubble butts. Sigh.
With so much love for booty surrounding me, it’s no surprise I wanted to be curvier. In my head, I believed having a booty would make everything magically better. Somehow I would be prettier, more popular, I would just be the best me.
These thoughts stayed with me through high school and college. Every girl around me seemed blessed with a naturally curvy body and even though I tried to embrace who I was, I still wanted what the culture pushed.
Welcome to the Thicc Life
My entry into the world of thiccy thicc came when I started taking birth control pills. Despite me not being sexually active at the time, I hoped the pill give me extra weight. Of all the reasons to put a chemical in your body but I was stoked when I moved from 105lbs to 115lbs. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t hot!
After a while, I stopped taking the pill but found that life was doing its thing. I became curvier, gained more weight and my confidence grew. I didn’t realize it but I was putting my confidence entirely in the shape of my body instead of my healthiness and my emotional well being.
Falling Out of Infatuation with Booty
My body was wildly growing away from me. I am a naturally petite person, not in the sense of height but you have to remember for the longest I had been 99 – 105lbs. That’s tiny. I woke up one day and I was 155lbs and I knew then booty wasn’t worth the way I felt.
The weight was too much for my body.
I was tired, it took a lot of energy for me to do things and I knew I was incredibly unhealthy. The curves I had desired and acquired no longer looked good on me. My rock bottom was the day an acquaintance accused me of drinking while I was pregnant and harming my baby. I’ve never been pregnant in my life; that’s how big I had gotten.
Why I don’t care anymore
- My body isn’t built fo|r the thicc life and forcing it to be isn’t healthy. To most, 150 lbs isn’t drastic but for me, it is a lot of weight. I felt every pound and ultimately I spent more days crying and depressed about the state of my health than I did excited cause I got a lil more ass.
- I’m at a stage where I don’t care what others think about my body. My 30s brought a new wave of confidence and I am in a space and time where it doesn’t matter if the person I’m seeing or the people around me prefer me at a size thicc. I have to live in this body not them.
- Booty doesn’t make things better, believe me. When I got a lil bit more booty I didn’t magically get a better life. Life is what I make it and I’m so happy that even though I went through a recently rough period in my life, I decided to focus on making changes instead of getting a fatter ass.
- I feel people like me for me now. When I was curvy men openly admitted they approached me because of my new shape. Now, I feel my personality has a lot to do with being approached. That’s not to say a woman with a big butt isn’t loved for who she is but I didn’t like the way attention to my body made me feel.
Let’s make it clear, I’m not bashing any person who is naturally curvy or even those who seek a curvier shape.
I have nothing but love for people of all shapes and sizes, for big bums, small ones and all those in between. This journey to accept my body is not about body shaming other people in the process. My journey is about accepting what my body needs not forcing it into something to satisfy the culture.
And the journey isn’t complete – there are days I get frustrated with my body. My boobs are annoying, my teeth aren’t perfect and my skin is a constant mess. Guess who’s learning to appreciate all of that?
I am entering a time in my life where it feels better to focus on my energy rather than my physical imperfections. For the skinny as a stick girl out there who might be struggling in a world full of big butts, be they natural or fake, I hope you find the confidence to accept yourself.
In time your body might develop and change – you never know. Don’t let the culture trick you into thinking your worth is based on your butt. You’re more than that. Here’s to your booty – whatever size it may be.
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