A year ago I went to the doctor and decided to find out what was wrong with me. For the past three and a half years I suffered from heavy bleeding, low energy levels, and depression. In that time I ended up not being able to work, I couldn’t date, I lost friendships and I lost myself – all in the name of Fibroids.
I can’t really say what drove me to go to the doctor but something in me clicked. I had to find out what was wrong with me.
Tomorrow will mark a full year being diagnosed with Fibroids.
These last 365 days were peppered with doctor visits and procedures, tears and a range of emotions. I’ve shared a timeline of my doctor visits so far, but for this anniversary I chose to focus on the most important things I’ve learned and the ways I’ve grown during this journey.
I became my own doctor
None of the doctors have given a shit about me. Not one.
I’ve convinced myself the attitude I’ve faced is because they’re men and they don’t have to bleed from their penis and face benign tumors growing in their stomachs.
Becoming my own doctor meant looking up natural remedies, looking up diets, finding a good mix of supplements, and more.
I’m ready to don my white coat and stethoscope.
Support (or lack thereof) surprised me
My old doctor told me something when I was dealing with depression and anxiety – people will dismiss anything they can’t see or they think isn’t “real”. If you have a broken arm people can see it and connect to it.
Fibroids is something people can’t understand. They don’t get that your bleeding isn’t manageable cause to them “it’s just a period”. In the past year I have fainted/blacked out multiple times and now I don’t bother telling anyone. Why?
Cause no one cares.
That stated, it will surprise you who does care. Support will come from the most unexpected places but be ready for: it’s just Fibroids, get over it.
It’s time for me to live
I actually came to this realization while writing this post. Fibroids robbed me of many experiences during these recent years. I couldn’t go anywhere because I was constantly bleeding or just walking to the end of my street would leave me panting and tired.
Dating became awkward and uncomfortable; try bringing up Fibroids on a date….um no. My career suffered too which is one of the reasons why I’m always talking about being broke.
This shit changed my life and not in a good way.
This journey left me emotionally, mentally and physically drained and I will be honest, I gave up many times. But something clicked inside of me towards the end of these 365 days and I have started to think of my future with and/or beyond Fibroids.
I felt like I wasn’t worthy of having a future – I wasn’t worthy of having a family, of wanting to have my own place, traveling, having friends…none of that. That’s how fucked up my mental state got.
Now I realize whether my treatment is successful or not, I deserve good things. I deserve to live life and have more than I’ve been having.
My most recent consultation was last week where I chose a certain type of treatment as my next step.
I wasn’t confident about any of the options presented to me. There’s not enough research about Fibroids and I was not impressed with the procedures offered for my case.
I can’t complain (too much) as it’s one step closer to a new chapter. Aside from choosing a course of treatment, I do know I want to be blogging about my recovery, my life after fibroids and hopefully helping more people through their journey.
Since September marks a full year of me being diagnosed I’ll be chatting about it on my social media. Don’t be shy, join in!
I know it might seem like “just a thing”, but it can be life changing. Black women are especially prone to Fibroids and I bet you if you ask a black woman in your family they have had or have them.
Not everyone has life-changing symptoms but a lot of women do so don’t be that person who thinks just because it’s not a broken arm it doesn’t matter.
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